Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Home Is Where the Hearth Is (part 2)

Look, Beau! How quaint—

Two sweet old-timers in rocking chairs, playing on a rustic canvas checkers set.

What in the hell?! Negro, you can’t do that!

The hell I can’t!

Naw, ask him! Young man, tell this fool a piece can’t jump backwards unless it’s been “kinged.”

Hmm, sir, I honestly don’t kn—

Bull! Tell this dumb-dumb that any piece can jump backwards on the second jump of a double jump!

I’m probably not the best one to ask—

Always making up your own rules, Little.

You always gotta invent new ways to win, by any means necessary!

And you, Luther ... Always gotta passively resist all the well-established rules of the game! Why can’t you just play without subverting the status quo?!

... Why does all this sound familiar?

Gentlemen, might it be simpler to consult the instruction manual?



... ?

Where’s the fun in that?

Yeah, rules are made to be changed, sweetheart.

It’s a part of our American heritage—innovation. When a set of conventions becomes unsustainable, obsolete, boring ...

We evolve the "game" for the sake of keeping things interesting!

But shouldn’t the goal of rule changes be to make games more fair?

Come on, son ... Get your head out of your ass!


Yeah, get on my level, son—this is chess, not checkers!

Actually, sir, this is checkers—

You see, young bloods, at the end of the day, the object of this game, as I see it, is to eliminate all his red pieces and to preserve as many of my black pieces as possible ...

To create a black nation of game pieces, if you will.

And me ... I’m trying to get as many of my red pieces to the promise land as possible, producing kings for maximum flexibility and accessibility in game play.

And so long as he sees the game only his way and I see it only mine ...

There is no true compromise, no true fairness to be had.

Only innovation ... an amendment of the rules to avoid the inevitable stalemate, keep the game going, keep things interesting.

But isn’t that the whole problem with the current state of our national rhetoric?

Two opposing sides who consistently fail to find any middle ground on the issues ... who bend and exploit the established rules of parliamentary procedure to gain an advantage in advancing their own agendas ...

Not for the sake of doing what’s right or looking out for the best interest of the people, but for the sake of playing the “game” itself.

Right—the "game" now is seeing how far the game itself can be gamed ...

And seeing to what degree ideological opponents can be framed as being actual enemies of the State, rather than fellow citizens with different takes on the issues.

Aren’t our personal ties, the common good, our union too sacred to be played like a political pinball machine?



Bah! What are you two young bloods yammering about? Of course it’s all a game!

What would be the point of flipping on the 7 o’clock news, otherwise?

You actually think we old-heads venture out into the icy, early Novmeber cold in droves every year to vote on the issues??

No, we’re electing the newest screwy cast of characters to this reality sitcom called “Life.”

Hell, we’re not going to be around to enjoy the final season of the show, but we can certainly keep things entertaining by electing a bunch of clowns to office before we “tune out!”


Is everything alright here, folks? Can I be of any assistance?

Sigh ... Only if you have a cure for human nature, sir.

I, uh ...



... I'll, uh, go check the lunch menu.

And I'll go check the reception area to make sure I'm not being punk'd.

New comic, Monday, 1/24!!

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