The Bandwagon

The young man you are about to hear is, indeed, an excellent writer, a meticulous reviser, and, sadly …



The most blatant anti-white racist I have ever met.







Woo-hoo!!!







It has been with joy, horror, and a profound sadness that I have directed his MFA thesis this year, and it will be with a stagnating ambivalence that I will see him depart from Industry University.





We love you, Charley!!!







Charley Polk, my friends, is a man who refuses cream in his coffee and refined sugar in his tea … a man who would rewrite an entire handwritten page of poetry simply to avoid using White-Out.





Power to the pen nibs!!!







A man who eats only the cookie part of Oreos, the graham cracker and chocolate part of s’mores … who consumes the outer strata of Ho Hos and Hostess cupcakes with surgical exactitude.





He even drenches his dirty rice in gravy!!!














[Upon graduating, Charley plans to move to Texas simply because it does not snow there …]



But not until the day following Labor Day—his favorite day of the year—so that he can publicly berate anyone he catches still wearing white.






He is the new black!!!







… Tonight, my friends, Charley will share with us the title piece of his poetic manifesto—as unsettling in its rhetoric as it is primitive in its aesthetic regressiveness—entitled “ALL UP IN YO WHITE FACE.”



















Clap clap clap clap Woo-hoo!!! clap clap clap clap Oooowwww!!!



Ahem …







LET’S PLAY A GAME OF THINKING,
NOT OF DRINKING, WHITE BOY.
PUT AWAY YOUR FIFTY-TWO-CARD DECK
AND SHOT GLASS, THE PETRONE




INSTEAD LET’S SAY
EVERYTIME YOU FORGET YOUR RACE
YOU RECEIVE A SHOT
TO THE DOME




Oookaaaay!!







I-iiight!!







GO: THINK HARD NOW.
CONCENTRATE! PICTURE
WHITE ON RICE SIMMERED
IN COCONUT MILK
SERVED IN A SNOWSTORM
ON A PAPER PLATE


With a plastic spork stuck in it!!





















GOOD JOB. POEM’S ALMOST OVER
NOW. RELAX—YOU’RE ALMOST THERE.



[LET ME RUN MY CHARCOAL FINGERS,
BOY, THROUGH YOUR BLEACH BLOND HAIR]









[LOOK AT THOSE SPARKLING BABY BLUES
CLEAR AS A JANUARY SKY
UNDER WHICH WE’LL ONE DAY LOVE,]









WHITE BOY, UNDIVIDED, YOU AND I.







[BLA-OW!! I CAUGHT YOU SLIPPIN,
KID. BUST YOU RIGHT UPSIDE YO DOME.]






THAT RACE HARMONY TRIPE TRIPPED
UP MY ANCESTORS, TOO, YOU KNOW.













[NOW, LIKE THEM, YOU GONE.]

















Clap clap clap clap Woo-hoo!!! clap clap clap clap Oooowwww!!!










Clap clap clap whistle!!



Woo-hoo!!! clap clap clap … Marci, this Negro is for real.







Clap clap clap clap … Waneta, girl, you ain’t never lie.







[Whistle!! clap clap clap]







Clap clap clap … Encore, Charley! Encore!! Read another one that tells us how culturally dense and racially insensitive we all are again!!






Yeah! So that, once we exit the performance hall, we may take a tentative stance when addressing racial injustice out of fear of receiving another Anglo-indicting tongue-lashing!





… Or better yet, blithely disregard thoughts of cultural difference altogether since, clearly, our ham-handed efforts to heal racial wounds are inadequate!






It’s like a white guilt … car wash!!







Wax on … Wax off …















Proceed, Charley! Further burden yourself with the weight of our racial baggage by shaming us into silence!






Well, OK … Let’s see …







Hmm …







How about I proceed with “THROWING A JUNETEENTH COOK-OUT ALL UP IN YO WHITE HOUSE,” and follow that with “ENROLLED ALL UP IN YO WHITE ENGLISH DEPARTMENT” …





And conclude with “STANKY LEGGIN ALL UP IN YO WHITE DANCE CLUB WHILE YOU TWO-STEP AWKWARDLY IN THE CORNER?”




















Woo-hoo!!! Yeeeaaah!! Oooowwww!!!



New comics on Friday, 2/19!!